"And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that Thou wouldest bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that Thine hand might be with me, and that Thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! And God granted him that which he requested." - 1 Chronicles 4:10
The prayer is composed of four parts. First, Jabez asks God to bless him. Second, he asks God to enlarge his territory or increase his responsibility. Third, he prays that God will be with him and stay close. Lastly, Jabez asks that God keep him from harm so that he will be free from pain.
Jabez means pain. When Jabez was given this name by his mother, it makes us think that his mother was undergoing difficulty when she had Jabez. It might have been physical, financial or emotional pain that she was experiencing at that time. A name like that seemed to be a curse. With the prayer above, Jabez showed us he is asking God to bless him indeed! Instead of living the meaning of his name - pain, he asked God to grant him a life opposite of pain - to bless him indeed!
This prayer also shows us how God has greater plans for us! All we need to do is ask and He will unravel His plans for us. He wants us to be bold and ask for more! And what's great about Jabez's prayer is that God granted him what he requested!
12.15.2009
Everything - Michael Buble
You're a falling star, you're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.
And you play it coy but it's kinda cute.
Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true.
'cause you can see it when I look at you.
[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.
And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.
[Chorus]
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.
Yeah, yeah
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.
And you play it coy but it's kinda cute.
Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true.
'cause you can see it when I look at you.
[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.
And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.
[Chorus]
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.
Yeah, yeah
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
11.07.2006
AND SO IT SEEMS
Have you ever found yourself living your life with a looming shadow of the past? Something that hinders you from seeing the essence of living, blocking your attention from the things that are important now, preventing you to focus on what is in the present, and making you do things for the wrong reasons. Wallowing in the gloomy pit. Everything bland. Forcing a smile. Pretending, and failing, to be preppy.
Some logical moments tell you that the best thing is to just leave the pieces and start anew. No point really in knowing the details, no point in throwing tantrums, no point in sharing what's going through ur mind, no point in wishing it's going to be the same, no point in knowing the updates. But you just move on a little, and be strong a little, and find yourself back in the company of the looming shadow again.
Waking up each day aimless and wandering and waiting for something, anything to bring you out of the gloomy pit. Doing things for the wrong reasons. Going in circles. Blinking back tears.
Some logical moments tell you that the best thing is to just leave the pieces and start anew. No point really in knowing the details, no point in throwing tantrums, no point in sharing what's going through ur mind, no point in wishing it's going to be the same, no point in knowing the updates. But you just move on a little, and be strong a little, and find yourself back in the company of the looming shadow again.
Waking up each day aimless and wandering and waiting for something, anything to bring you out of the gloomy pit. Doing things for the wrong reasons. Going in circles. Blinking back tears.
4.19.2004
birthday wish
Another year off my calendar!
This year's birthday wish is going to be different from the usual "good health," "more wealth," and the staple "world peace!"
It just happened that the opportunity presented itself in class yesterday. Prof Velasco used World Vision (www.wvi.org) as the last case study for the term. The non-profit organization helps put less fortunate children to school, one among its many programs. The topic was about motivation, how to motivate volunteers considering that they are offering their services and selfless commitment for free. According to the case, World Vision also has salaried employees, those who handle support functions such as bookkeeping. From its 100 employees worldwide only 7 resigned over the past 15 years. Four of them even came back! A direct opposite compared to the IT industry where annual turnover rate of some companies even reach as high as 80%.
After being involved in several other non-profit groups, Prof Velasco is strongly endorsing World Vision. He has successfully brought it to Johnson & Johnson because he was able to personally see how World Vision operates and how successful it is in fulfilling its noble mission of providing a meaningful and long-term difference in the life of thousands and thousands of children. One of the guest speakers, Ethel, was a sponsored child from Leyte. From grade 2 to college graduation, her education was supported by a couple who lives in Canada.
I have always wanted to do charity work but always have an excuse for not doing so. World Vision's child-sponsoring program is convenient yet fulfilling. It just needs the sponsor to give 15 pesos each day or P450 per month (that's 5,400 per year) to help put a child in school. As a sponsor, you get to choose the child by browsing his profile and family background. You are encouraged to get to know more about him through letters. I think letters are screened so that you won't be giving him unnecessary info like how financially rich you are, for your protection, I guess. Each year, a progress report will be sent to you, informing you how your "child" is doing.
Prof Velasco, who himself is sponsoring several children the for past 6 years, was able to convince his skeptic lady boss to sponsor a child too. After she saw the program, probably through ocular visits, being the skeptic that she was, wholeheartedly decided to support 10 children!
And so I signed up, so did almost all of my classmates. I did not have any preference, so I asked Ethel to choose a child for me. Antonio Vina, from the photo in his profile, is a good-looking boy with intelligent round eyes. He's in grade 3, plays basketball and loves Math!
I "adopted" a child on my 25th birthday! My wish is for him to grow up to become a God-fearing, responsible, and upright person.
This year's birthday wish is going to be different from the usual "good health," "more wealth," and the staple "world peace!"
It just happened that the opportunity presented itself in class yesterday. Prof Velasco used World Vision (www.wvi.org) as the last case study for the term. The non-profit organization helps put less fortunate children to school, one among its many programs. The topic was about motivation, how to motivate volunteers considering that they are offering their services and selfless commitment for free. According to the case, World Vision also has salaried employees, those who handle support functions such as bookkeeping. From its 100 employees worldwide only 7 resigned over the past 15 years. Four of them even came back! A direct opposite compared to the IT industry where annual turnover rate of some companies even reach as high as 80%.
After being involved in several other non-profit groups, Prof Velasco is strongly endorsing World Vision. He has successfully brought it to Johnson & Johnson because he was able to personally see how World Vision operates and how successful it is in fulfilling its noble mission of providing a meaningful and long-term difference in the life of thousands and thousands of children. One of the guest speakers, Ethel, was a sponsored child from Leyte. From grade 2 to college graduation, her education was supported by a couple who lives in Canada.
I have always wanted to do charity work but always have an excuse for not doing so. World Vision's child-sponsoring program is convenient yet fulfilling. It just needs the sponsor to give 15 pesos each day or P450 per month (that's 5,400 per year) to help put a child in school. As a sponsor, you get to choose the child by browsing his profile and family background. You are encouraged to get to know more about him through letters. I think letters are screened so that you won't be giving him unnecessary info like how financially rich you are, for your protection, I guess. Each year, a progress report will be sent to you, informing you how your "child" is doing.
Prof Velasco, who himself is sponsoring several children the for past 6 years, was able to convince his skeptic lady boss to sponsor a child too. After she saw the program, probably through ocular visits, being the skeptic that she was, wholeheartedly decided to support 10 children!
And so I signed up, so did almost all of my classmates. I did not have any preference, so I asked Ethel to choose a child for me. Antonio Vina, from the photo in his profile, is a good-looking boy with intelligent round eyes. He's in grade 3, plays basketball and loves Math!
I "adopted" a child on my 25th birthday! My wish is for him to grow up to become a God-fearing, responsible, and upright person.
3.12.2004
Love story
jade
function: verb
1 a : to wear out by overwork or abuse
b : to tire or dull through repetition or excess
2 intransitive senses : to become weary or dulled
synonym: tire (verb)
I'm jaded. Not because of having gone through too many relationships but because of the lack thereof. I feel weary of believing in the picture painted by movies that describes how love is so great, so full of thrill and bliss. I was surprised that my friends still believe strongly in finding the person who can make them feel passionately. Poor me, I guess I just didn't understand, or didn't want to try to understand for the fear of being disappointed if in case, it never happen to me.
Last Febuary, our ManSci prof got married and went on a 2-week honeymoon leave. When he came back, my classmates insisted on knowing the details of his love story. At first he seemed reluctant, it didn't seem appropriate to be broadcasting his personal life to the class. But being the sport that he was, he obliged.
"How did you meet?"
She was my student, a couple of years my junior. Several terms had passed when we met again in the GSB Night (DLSU-Graduate School of Business) ramp modeling gimmick January, 3 or 4 years ago. I represented the faculty and she represented the students as ramp models. She was the only person who was nice enough to talk to me in the make-up room. We had a great time and I sent her a dozen red roses on Valentine's day.
"Where did you go on your honeymoon?"
Phuket island, it's a resort that had a forest in the back and long stretch of beach up front.
"How long was the courtship?"
It took me a year before we officially became a couple. Nahirapan ako because the girl is chinese and her family was strongly against me, not knowing that I am also a chinese. I'm a Lee (mother side).
"How did you propose?"
*smile smile* I took her to Nurture spa in tagaytay and we went to makati for dinner. I sat her down and showed her the photo album containing all our pictures together for the past 3 years. At the last page of the album was the question "Will you marry me?" Then I took out the ring.
"Did she say yes immediately?" (mga usi talaga classmates ko!)
No she didn't.
"Huh? why?!"
She broke down in tears. She was crying and I didn't know what to do.
(Our prof was not hesitant in sharing anymore... volunteer info followed)
You know how I knew she was THE one? The ring which I bought 5 or so years ago fit her perfectly.
"awwww...."
--------------
That story made me want to cry... want to believe that there is a someone for everyone. Only time will tell...
function: verb
1 a : to wear out by overwork or abuse
b : to tire or dull through repetition or excess
2 intransitive senses : to become weary or dulled
synonym: tire (verb)
I'm jaded. Not because of having gone through too many relationships but because of the lack thereof. I feel weary of believing in the picture painted by movies that describes how love is so great, so full of thrill and bliss. I was surprised that my friends still believe strongly in finding the person who can make them feel passionately. Poor me, I guess I just didn't understand, or didn't want to try to understand for the fear of being disappointed if in case, it never happen to me.
Last Febuary, our ManSci prof got married and went on a 2-week honeymoon leave. When he came back, my classmates insisted on knowing the details of his love story. At first he seemed reluctant, it didn't seem appropriate to be broadcasting his personal life to the class. But being the sport that he was, he obliged.
"How did you meet?"
She was my student, a couple of years my junior. Several terms had passed when we met again in the GSB Night (DLSU-Graduate School of Business) ramp modeling gimmick January, 3 or 4 years ago. I represented the faculty and she represented the students as ramp models. She was the only person who was nice enough to talk to me in the make-up room. We had a great time and I sent her a dozen red roses on Valentine's day.
"Where did you go on your honeymoon?"
Phuket island, it's a resort that had a forest in the back and long stretch of beach up front.
"How long was the courtship?"
It took me a year before we officially became a couple. Nahirapan ako because the girl is chinese and her family was strongly against me, not knowing that I am also a chinese. I'm a Lee (mother side).
"How did you propose?"
*smile smile* I took her to Nurture spa in tagaytay and we went to makati for dinner. I sat her down and showed her the photo album containing all our pictures together for the past 3 years. At the last page of the album was the question "Will you marry me?" Then I took out the ring.
"Did she say yes immediately?" (mga usi talaga classmates ko!)
No she didn't.
"Huh? why?!"
She broke down in tears. She was crying and I didn't know what to do.
(Our prof was not hesitant in sharing anymore... volunteer info followed)
You know how I knew she was THE one? The ring which I bought 5 or so years ago fit her perfectly.
"awwww...."
--------------
That story made me want to cry... want to believe that there is a someone for everyone. Only time will tell...
2.26.2004
Globe incident
My brother's phone was stolen again! Since the line was registered under my name, I had to call Globe's customer service to have it blocked. Upon stating my concern, the CS representative told me that their system will be 'up' in an hour and I have to call back later. I argued that the phone's stolen and there's no stopping the person from making unlimited phone calls charged to my account! But she calmly said that since their system is down, there's no way for her to have the SIM blocked.
HELLO?! Are you testing my patience?!
All I said was "FINE," and ended the call.
The least she could've done is to get the phone number and assure me that once their system is up and running, she will make sure that all calls made through the lost phone wouldn't be charged to the account. Or something to that effect.
After a few minutes, I called again planning to make her at least record the lost cell number and the time I called so that when the bill arrives, we can have the business center staff check their lost phone record to prove that we didn't make those calls. Surprisingly, it seems that their system is running already and the CS rep gladly terminated the phone account.
This proves two things:
1. Either Globe CS reps are not properly trained or they don't use their head.
2. System downtime in Globe takes a few minutes to fix, but then again there isn't supposed to be any downtime in the first place.
HELLO?! Are you testing my patience?!
All I said was "FINE," and ended the call.
The least she could've done is to get the phone number and assure me that once their system is up and running, she will make sure that all calls made through the lost phone wouldn't be charged to the account. Or something to that effect.
After a few minutes, I called again planning to make her at least record the lost cell number and the time I called so that when the bill arrives, we can have the business center staff check their lost phone record to prove that we didn't make those calls. Surprisingly, it seems that their system is running already and the CS rep gladly terminated the phone account.
This proves two things:
1. Either Globe CS reps are not properly trained or they don't use their head.
2. System downtime in Globe takes a few minutes to fix, but then again there isn't supposed to be any downtime in the first place.
2.23.2004
Worth it?
A month before valentines day, my cousin Sally partnered with her friend to help run her flower shop. The shop has existing suppliers, employees and clients when Sally joined the business. Being an eager businessminded person, my cousin planned on opening several short-term fresh-flowers-for-valentines kiosks but realized that she only have enough resources for 2 in addition to their main shop in makati.
So I jumped on the chance and talked my one-time-tiangge-partner Liza into our second biz-partnership. After determining that the venture entails minimal risk, we decided to open our own in Times Plaza from Feb 10 to 14. We had it all planned out. Thought that it would be as easy as personally choosing fresh flowers from Dangwa to personally arranging bouquets for sale.
As it turned-out, we didn't realize what we're getting into.
A week before:
Went to Divisoria to buy the necessary items for the store such as flower 'pails', bouquet tissue wraps, ribbons, and additional items for sale.
We went to the basement of Divisoria mall to look for deflated balloons and stuffed toys. I didn't realize that even on non-Christmas season, Divisoria is so crowded! The basement of the mall looks more like a small, dark, smelly, suffocating hole where people are squeezed and pushed to move an inch. Anyway, after a dizzying and hyperventilating 5-hour errand, we were able to get everything we need at rock-bottom prices.
A day before the first day:
We couldn't contact the supposed saleslady to man the store! And both of us cannot afford to be absent from work. Fortunately, Liza was able to talk someone into looking after the stall for us.
Since we have to get fresh flowers, we decided to go to Dangwa at 2am the next day when flowers arrive directly from Baguio. Liza & I met at 10pm at my place and took the jeepney to the flower market at 1:30am.
First day (Feb 10):
We bought bouquet boxes, tubes (which I like to call "the roses' life support system") and several dozens of roses, malaysian mums, carnations, baby's breaths and mysticas.
After a tiring 2-hour flower shopping spree, we went home at 4am, not to rest but to wash, clean and prune the flowers. At last, at 7:30am we were able to produce 2 bouquets, of course that is after several trial-and-error attempts to create the most appealing bouquets our sleepy souls could make. Pictures temporarily published at http://photos.yahoo.com/grace_chua_ay
While Liza went to fetch the saleslady, yes her honor has to be fetched or else she won't go to the stall by herself, I cleaned up the leaves littered all over our front porch.
The stall officially started business at 9am! After briefing the saleslady, Liza took the halfday off from work and went home to sleep. I went straight to my desk on the 8th floor and half-awakedly zoned into my usual routine of checking email and pretending to look busy.
At around 4pm, I was barely awake, wishing so hard that 8pm will arrive soon so we can close the store, go home and sleep!
By the end of the day, we had only sold 1 tiny stuffed heart worth P30! So much for motivation...
Second & Third day (Feb 11 & 12):
Nothing exciting happened. Sales were around P500 on each day, not even enough to cover a third of the rent & wage expenses for the day. Fortunately, my Unisys officemates placed a few orders which I had no choice but to deliver the next day.
My parents can't help but comment on how they've worked so hard to put me in college so that I can earn a decent living afterwards and not peddle flowers. They really couldn't see the point why I was doing all this... at that time, neither can I.
Fourth day (Feb 13):
Accdg to my prediction, this is the day when the bulk of the sales will be. Liza & I met up at Dangwa around 2am again. My poor sleepy dad, who insisted on coming with us after being threatened by my mom, waited by the car while Liz & I got all the flowers we need. We were home at around 4:30am to wash and prepare the orders for the day. By 8:30am we brought the fresh flowers to the stall. I took the bus to makati to deliver the flowers as promised. Thinking about it now, I looked so pathetic, like an old lady peddling flowers inside office buildings. But of course, I wasn't peddling, I was merely delivering the orders to their owners. A sleep-deprived zombie carrying a bruised dignity, I was worrying if there will be enough sales for the day to cover the costs we already paid cash for. My dear brother was kind enough to ask his friends to purchase from me. Thanks to him, almost a third of our profits were generated by the dozens of orders his friends made.
Last day (Feb 14):
At last! The day when we get to decide the fate of our biz. I was in school in the morning while Liza went to rest because she was up for 48 hours straight! She was also helping their church raise funds by selling flowers. At the end of the day, we cleared the stall space and went home to do accounting. We were able to make a good 35% financial profit from the experience. After having settled the accounts at 10:30pm, we went to Bacolod Chicken Inasal for dinner to 'celebrate.' Celebrate the fact that we made money, that our business did not fall apart, and that we don't need to sacrifice sleep anymore!
Thinking about it now, most entrepreneur will be lucky if their business is able to generate 15% net profit annually. We should be happy that with such minimal capital, we were able to produce 35% net profit in 5 days. But then again, we gave up a lot of things, like sleeps, breakfasts, and half-days from work where we get paid by just sitting in aircon room checking emails. In terms of experience, I personally think that although we did learn some things from it, I wouldn't exactly consider the learning precious.
Worth it? You betcha!
Do it again next year? You betcha! NOT.
So I jumped on the chance and talked my one-time-tiangge-partner Liza into our second biz-partnership. After determining that the venture entails minimal risk, we decided to open our own in Times Plaza from Feb 10 to 14. We had it all planned out. Thought that it would be as easy as personally choosing fresh flowers from Dangwa to personally arranging bouquets for sale.
As it turned-out, we didn't realize what we're getting into.
A week before:
Went to Divisoria to buy the necessary items for the store such as flower 'pails', bouquet tissue wraps, ribbons, and additional items for sale.
We went to the basement of Divisoria mall to look for deflated balloons and stuffed toys. I didn't realize that even on non-Christmas season, Divisoria is so crowded! The basement of the mall looks more like a small, dark, smelly, suffocating hole where people are squeezed and pushed to move an inch. Anyway, after a dizzying and hyperventilating 5-hour errand, we were able to get everything we need at rock-bottom prices.
A day before the first day:
We couldn't contact the supposed saleslady to man the store! And both of us cannot afford to be absent from work. Fortunately, Liza was able to talk someone into looking after the stall for us.
Since we have to get fresh flowers, we decided to go to Dangwa at 2am the next day when flowers arrive directly from Baguio. Liza & I met at 10pm at my place and took the jeepney to the flower market at 1:30am.
First day (Feb 10):
We bought bouquet boxes, tubes (which I like to call "the roses' life support system") and several dozens of roses, malaysian mums, carnations, baby's breaths and mysticas.
After a tiring 2-hour flower shopping spree, we went home at 4am, not to rest but to wash, clean and prune the flowers. At last, at 7:30am we were able to produce 2 bouquets, of course that is after several trial-and-error attempts to create the most appealing bouquets our sleepy souls could make. Pictures temporarily published at http://photos.yahoo.com/grace_chua_ay
While Liza went to fetch the saleslady, yes her honor has to be fetched or else she won't go to the stall by herself, I cleaned up the leaves littered all over our front porch.
The stall officially started business at 9am! After briefing the saleslady, Liza took the halfday off from work and went home to sleep. I went straight to my desk on the 8th floor and half-awakedly zoned into my usual routine of checking email and pretending to look busy.
At around 4pm, I was barely awake, wishing so hard that 8pm will arrive soon so we can close the store, go home and sleep!
By the end of the day, we had only sold 1 tiny stuffed heart worth P30! So much for motivation...
Second & Third day (Feb 11 & 12):
Nothing exciting happened. Sales were around P500 on each day, not even enough to cover a third of the rent & wage expenses for the day. Fortunately, my Unisys officemates placed a few orders which I had no choice but to deliver the next day.
My parents can't help but comment on how they've worked so hard to put me in college so that I can earn a decent living afterwards and not peddle flowers. They really couldn't see the point why I was doing all this... at that time, neither can I.
Fourth day (Feb 13):
Accdg to my prediction, this is the day when the bulk of the sales will be. Liza & I met up at Dangwa around 2am again. My poor sleepy dad, who insisted on coming with us after being threatened by my mom, waited by the car while Liz & I got all the flowers we need. We were home at around 4:30am to wash and prepare the orders for the day. By 8:30am we brought the fresh flowers to the stall. I took the bus to makati to deliver the flowers as promised. Thinking about it now, I looked so pathetic, like an old lady peddling flowers inside office buildings. But of course, I wasn't peddling, I was merely delivering the orders to their owners. A sleep-deprived zombie carrying a bruised dignity, I was worrying if there will be enough sales for the day to cover the costs we already paid cash for. My dear brother was kind enough to ask his friends to purchase from me. Thanks to him, almost a third of our profits were generated by the dozens of orders his friends made.
Last day (Feb 14):
At last! The day when we get to decide the fate of our biz. I was in school in the morning while Liza went to rest because she was up for 48 hours straight! She was also helping their church raise funds by selling flowers. At the end of the day, we cleared the stall space and went home to do accounting. We were able to make a good 35% financial profit from the experience. After having settled the accounts at 10:30pm, we went to Bacolod Chicken Inasal for dinner to 'celebrate.' Celebrate the fact that we made money, that our business did not fall apart, and that we don't need to sacrifice sleep anymore!
Thinking about it now, most entrepreneur will be lucky if their business is able to generate 15% net profit annually. We should be happy that with such minimal capital, we were able to produce 35% net profit in 5 days. But then again, we gave up a lot of things, like sleeps, breakfasts, and half-days from work where we get paid by just sitting in aircon room checking emails. In terms of experience, I personally think that although we did learn some things from it, I wouldn't exactly consider the learning precious.
Worth it? You betcha!
Do it again next year? You betcha! NOT.
2.11.2004
values
money is the reason why, even if i feel insignificant in this project, i am still with the damned project.
Espoused value: the value you tell everyone like 'employees are our no.1 concern'
Actual value: the real (deep inside) things you value based on your behaviour and action like 'generate profit or cut cost whatever it takes even if it means laying off employees'
A person becomes self-actualized when his espoused values and actual values are the same.
-----
My espoused value: the significance of my existence.
My actual value: make more money.
I guess I am a loooooong way from achieving self-actualization!
Espoused value: the value you tell everyone like 'employees are our no.1 concern'
Actual value: the real (deep inside) things you value based on your behaviour and action like 'generate profit or cut cost whatever it takes even if it means laying off employees'
A person becomes self-actualized when his espoused values and actual values are the same.
-----
My espoused value: the significance of my existence.
My actual value: make more money.
I guess I am a loooooong way from achieving self-actualization!
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